V. You Can't Go Home Again (1/24)
Carly: "We could all be living here right now, you know. Michael would be asleep upstairs, and Jason and I would be cuddled up right here on the couch, watching the fire. We'd be home, you know?"
Sonny: "You think if you wait here long enough, Jason will come back?"
Carly: "Wouldn't that be something."
Sonny: "Why would he after what we did?"
Carly: "Not right now, ok?"
Sonny: "Jason would still be here if it wasn't for us."
Carly: "You know what? I had a really bad day."
Sonny: "So?"
Carly: "So I'm going to leave in a minute."
Sonny: "Carly?"
Carly: "What?"
Sonny: "How many times have I got to tell you? We only get what we deserve."
Carly: "Well, you know what? I'm not arguing with you there."
Sonny: "What does that mean?"
Carly: "Nothing. Why don't you just leave. Why don't you go away."
Sonny: "No."
Sonny: "This place looked like nobody lived here even when he did."
Carly: "That would be because your stupid slut F.B.I. girlfriend moved all my nice stuff out. He would have forgiven us, you know?"
Sonny: "Why would he? Because you want--you want him to?"
Carly: "No, he just would have, that's all. I just know that if he would have stayed, you know--"
Sonny: "Well, Michael didn't come through for you this time, did he? He got you into the big house, but he can't get you out, can't get you here. Can't get you Jason."
Carly: "Absolutely. Whatever you say. Where do you think he is right now? Where do you think he is right this second?"
Sonny: "What difference does it make?"
Carly: "I don't know. I mean, what if he forgot to eat, you know, or he crashed his motorcycle or he's hurt or--"
Sonny: "Well, you know what? Doesn't matter as long as he's away from us."
Carly: "No. No."
Sonny: "That's the kind of people we are. You know that, right? You don't know that, Carly? We destroy the people we love, the innocents that stand too close, the ones who can't get away. Damn, it's cold in here, even with the fire."
Carly: "By the way, Sonny, we're having a baby."
That last line was spoken after Sonny had left the room. Carly was still looking for sympathy, I suppose, or connection with somebody else who had lost Jason, and Sonny was still unwilling to give it. I liked his response when he first saw her, though. When she didn't snap back at him, he almost looked confused.
Meanwhile, Carly had only one glove on as she entered the apartment, just like Liz from earlier in the episode. For Carly, it was a sign of her distracted state of mind, and I very much liked it. Helena's forgetting scarves, Chloe's wearing somebody else's coat, Roy's reminding Hannah about a hat. We sure are having trouble with our outerwear!
VI. Fighting with AJ (1/27)
Carly: "God, Jase, I wish you would come back. Please come back. I don't want to do this, you know. I don't. But there's just no other way."
A.J.: "Waiting for Jason? It may be a while."
Carly: "What do you--what do you want me to say, A.J.? That I don't miss Jason at all, I don't even think about him? I know he's not coming back. I'm just trying to get used to it."
A.J.: "Making the adjustment."
Carly: "Yeah. Isn't that what you want?"
A.J.: "You know what? I don't even know why you have to make an adjustment, Carly. You nearly wrecked the best life you'll ever have for Jason, and then he ditched you, just like I told you he would."
Carly: "A.J., you hated Jason when he was here, and now you hate him because he's gone?"
A.J.: "No, no, I hate what he's doing to you. I mean, look at you, Carly. You're pining away for a guy who doesn't even care about you."
Carly: "You don't know me, ok? You don't know anything about anything."
A.J.: "Jason only cares about himself."
Carly: "It's not like that."
A.J.: "Oh, really?"
Carly: "No."
A.J.: "Then why did he leave? You know what, Carly? Come on. It's time for you to wake up and smell the coffee."
Carly: "Oh, I am, believe me."
A.J.: "It's not that complicated. All right, listen to me. If he really loved you and Michael, he wouldn't have left. But he did."
Carly: "Ok."
A.J.: "So stop. Would you just stop wasting your time here? Stop thinking that Jason's going to come to the rescue because that's not going to happen. And the sooner you accept that and face it, the easier this will be. Now, how many times have I told you I can give you a good life? Now, you can show up for it or not."
Carly: "You know what? I think I'm just going to try to let our marriage be enough."
A.J.: "How? How? By doing what? By doing this? Hanging out on the docks, longing for a guy who doesn't even love you?"
Carly: "You know what? You're so good at that."
A.J.: "What? At what? I'm just telling the truth."
Carly: "I let my guard down for two seconds, A.J., and you jump all over me. Like the other night, we're in bed, you know, and we're about to make love, and I'm giving you everything that I have, and it's not enough?"
A.J.: "That's not quite how I remember it."
Carly: "Ok, well, how do you remember it today, huh? You just happened by. I'm sitting here, minding my own business. I'm trying to think. I'm trying to clear my head. And you jump all over me."
A.J.: "I'm just trying to help you face the facts. That's all."
Carly: "No, A.J., look--you get mad when I defend myself. And when I don't, you attack me. So, how are we going to make this work? You can't even meet me halfway, and you keep constantly cramming down my throat how much you hate Jason. I don't know. Maybe you should think about that."
A.J.: "Maybe I will."
This was, surprisingly, one of the quietest, most honest conversations these two had. The calm before the storm, again? Because Carly didn't respond by screaming, it made AJ seem that much more in the wrong, and reminded me that these two weren't always like this. They had reason to expect better from each other, after all.
VII. Making the Arrangements (1/28)
Carly: "Hi. Hi. My name is Caroline Morgan, and I'm not exactly sure how this works, but--um--I'm pregnant, and I want to have an abortion."
Carly: "You know, why is my prenatal care any of your business?"
Tony: "Just remembering last time."
Carly: "Oh, really? Why don't you speak up a little bit, Tony? Maybe the whole town will hear you."
Tony: "A.J. doesn't know yet. Nice work."
Carly: "It's none of your business."
Tony: "Just like last time, right? I had to remind you to eat, take your vitamins, and here you are, standing out in the cold."
Carly: "Well, what difference does it make to you?"
Tony: "I can't force you to tell A.J. he's about to become a father again--if he even is. But as a doctor, I reserve the right to tell you how to take care of yourself."
Carly: "As a doctor. This from the man who stole my son."
Tony: "What are you going to do, start shooting?"
Carly: "Well, I knew what I was doing then, and I know what I'm doing now."
Tony: "I hope so, for the sake of that poor, defenseless baby."
Woman: "Can you confide in a relative, a friend?"
Carly: "No. I had a friend, but he--he would have understood, but he moved away."
Carly: "I don't have any options. Do you hear what I'm saying? I absolutely cannot have this baby, and I want an abortion, all right?"
Woman: "You'll be under anesthetic for about 45 minutes. You'll need someone to drive you home."
Carly: "I'll take a cab."
Woman: "We strongly suggest a support person."
Carly: "I have to do this alone."
VIII. I Know You Love Me, Mama (1/28)
Bobbie: "What's wrong?"
Carly: "That's me, huh? Wrong way Carly. Um--I should have done this a long time ago. I'm sorry that I've been so clueless, mama. And this apology's way overdue."
Bobbie: "Your apology's accepted. Now, what is it that I'm forgiving you for?"
Carly: "For making you feel like a criminal for giving me up at birth. I finally understand what you must have went through."
Bobbie: "What's going on that I don't know about?"
Carly: "I don't know. Maybe I'm just finally getting some sense."
Bobbie: "So am I wrong or have you been crying? Tell me why."
Carly: "I have been an obnoxious know-it-all and I've been hammering at you about how a real mother behaves, and I don't know--I don't know what made me think that I had any idea."
Bobbie: "Oh, honey, toddlers can be very demanding. And it's ok to feel frustrated. Really, it is."
Carly: "No, my life is a cakewalk compared to what yours used to be, you know? And I'm not half the mother that you are."
Bobbie: "There were times when Lucas was Michael's age, I used to get so tired."
Carly: "No, I'm not talking about Lucas, mom. I'm talking about me. You know? You see these mothers on TV and they're so calm and saintly and wise. And you think, 'Why--why can't my mother be like that, you know?' and it just never occurs to you that it's because it's hard."
Bobbie: "So what happened? Did you snap at Michael?"
Carly: "No. Michael's the best thing that's ever happened to me, you know? And that's why I feel so awful right now. I just--must have torn you apart to give me up, huh?"
Bobbie: "You're not thinking of giving up Michael, are you?"
Carly: "No. God, no. Absolutely not. I--I just--I guess, I'm finally understanding how difficult it is, you know, deciding, choosing, you know, somebody's life."
Bobbie: "It's ok, you know. Everybody makes mistakes, but most of them aren't irreversible."
Carly: "Ok, but sometimes, you know--I got to go, mom."
Bobbie: "Hey--you want to go get some coffee or something?"
Carly: "Yeah, maybe next time, ok?"
Bobbie: "You all right? You don't look all right. I don't feel like I've helped you at all."
Carly: "You have. You totally helped me just by being here, ok?"
Bobbie: "I love you, honey."
Carly: "You always have. I know that now. I got to go. Ok?"
There it is; there's the conversation I most wanted out of all of this. Beautiful, beautiful stuff.
From Terry's update: "What, you still work here?: Bobbie, amazingly, is not at Kelly's today, but is working at the hospital (the better to be able to drop everything to take care of a personal matter, I suppose, but I'm getting ahead of myself again). Carly shows up, and tells her mom that she wants to deliver a long-overdue apology. She now understands, she says, why Bobbie gave her up at birth."
"Bobbie walks Carly over to the waiting area. She assumes this emotionalism is coming from Carly being frustrated by life with a toddler. Carly says that isn't the case, but does confess that 'I'm not half the mother you are.' Bobbie is confused as Carly talks about realizing, 'it must have torn you apart to give me up,' and she asks if Carly is thinking of giving up Michael. No, Carly assures her, but she's just realizing 'how difficult it is deciding, choosing, you know, somebody's life.' Bobbies assures Carly that most of life's mistakes are not irreversible, which only makes Carly tear up more, and then leave."
IX. Fighting with Sonny (1/28)
Sonny: "That's a good way to freeze to death."
Carly: "I'm sure you'd be overcome with grief."
Carly: "I used to sit here with Jason. Bump into each other, you know?"
Sonny: "Accidentally on purpose? I got to tell you, he never went for that."
Carly: "Well, I never thought that he did."
Sonny: "Well, you kept it up."
Carly: "Well, yeah, because Jason kept coming back."
Carly: "See? Didn't matter how bad I ticked him off, Sonny. He crossed by this docks at least twice a day. That's what you don't get. Jason actually liked being with me."
Sonny: "Go figure."
Carly: "Yeah. The question is, what am I doing here now? You know, I know he's not going to walk by. I know we're never going to sit on this bench and look at the water and discuss things or, you know, just--just sit here and just be quiet and not say anything."
Sonny: "Like you can be quiet for five minutes."
Carly: "I didn't have to say anything. Jason heard me anyway."
Sonny: "And when you matter to Jason, he--he watches your back."
Carly: "It's like having your own little guardian angel, huh?"
Sonny: "Except he's not an angel. He's real."
Carly: "He's the realest person I've ever met."
Sonny: "Or ever will. Count on that."
Carly: "What he saw in you, I never grasped."
Sonny: "The same goes both ways."
Carly: "But Jason, he thought--he didn't think--he was convinced that you were somebody special. I don't know. I mean, I used to say, you know--god, it drove me crazy. He was so loyal to you. It just--"
Sonny: "Well, there's no challenge there. You had a head start. You know what? He was actually--he--he, well--he said he was loyal to you, too."
Carly: "He said that you were better than you thought you were."
Sonny: "He said the same about you, too."
Carly: "Look, you know, this is going to sound totally crazy. Do you think there's any chance, you know, maybe for both of our sakes that--that he was right?"
Sonny: "Do I think you deserve Jason's love and respect? No. Does that answer your question?"
Carly: "You really hate me, don't you?"
Sonny: "No more than I hate myself."
Carly: "And the concept of forgiving yourself?"
Sonny: "Oh--it's just a way to get off the hook."
Carly: "And staying on the hook--that's right? That's better?"
Sonny: "It's honest. So it wouldn't be for you."
Carly: "Thank you."
Sonny: "You asked. I'm telling you. Forgiving yourself is what you do. You trash somebody's life, then you forgive yourself and trash somebody else."
Carly: "You think you know so much about me."
Sonny: "A month, a week, you're not even going to remember what we did to Jason, how we wrecked his life."
Carly: "I'll never forget what we did to Jason. The look on his face when he came to the stairs. You didn't even look. You didn't even look at him."
Sonny: "I wish I had."
Carly: "Why?"
Sonny: "So I could see what we did to him. You reap what you sow. We sowed that."
Carly: "You know what? You are a deeply twisted person. At least I tried."
Sonny: "Tried? You tried? How, by--you tried to get Jason back by wheeling your baby in his face?"
Carly: "Well, that's the difference between you and I, Sonny, you know? You don't have a baby to wheel."
Sonny: "Clearing out was the best thing Jason ever did in his life, but he made one mistake."
Carly: "What's that?"
Sonny: "He didn't take Michael with him."
Carly: "Why would he do that? To hurt me? To hurt me back?"
Sonny: "To save Michael. Poor kid doesn't know what he's got in store. Of all the mothers in the world, that sweet little boy ends up with you."
Carly: "Go to hell."
Sonny: "We're already there, Carly. Can't you see? We got our own little spot. Look at it. Whoo-whoo! Damn."
Very nice touch. AJ and Sonny both entered from the same spot--down the stage right stairs--for their dock arguments with Carly.
From Terry again: "If this were Laugh-In and she were Ruth Buzzi, she'd have hit him with her purse (Yep, I'm showing my age): Sonny comes across Carly sitting alone on a bench at the docks. Great dialogue ensues. She starts talking about how she used to run into Jason at that spot, and Sonny says Jason saw through those 'accidentally on purpose' encounters. Carly counters that she knew that Jason knew what she was up to, but that he always kept walking by anyway, so he obviously wanted to run into her as much as she wanted to run into him. 'That's what you don't get--Jason actually liked being with me.' 'Go figure.'"
"Sonny takes a seat on the far end of the bench, which seems suddenly very long, given the gulf between them. They reminisce about Jason, in their own wary way. She said Jason's loyalty to Sonny drove her crazy and Sonny concedes that Jason said he was loyal to Carly, too. 'I used to ask him,' Carly says, 'why Sonny? Why him?' Sonny tries not to show how interested he is in the answer, while asking, 'What'd he say?' Carly's answer: 'He said you were better than you thought you were.' 'He said the same about you, too.' Poignantly, Carly asks softly: 'You think there's any chance, for both our sakes, that he was right?'"
"A commercial interrupts the scene at this point, but my station chose to make an even larger intrusion, so that I got whiplash at how quickly the mood between Carly and Sonny changed. See, Glenn Burns, avuncular weatherman, did his half-hour 'storm that isn't' update at this point, and cut into the Sonny/Carly scene. When we finally got back to GH, the atmosphere had changed radically, and I have no idea precisely what was said to cause this change."
Anyway, at the point of my return, Sonny is angrily saying that leaving was the best thing Jason ever did and that he should have taken Michael with him, to save the lad from Carly. His bitterness and anger is chilling, and the catch in his voice sounds like he is almost crying, as he growls, 'Of all the mothers in the world, that sweet little boy ends up with you.' Carly tells him to go to hell, and he tells her they're already there. With that, he walks off, leaving her with her thoughts."
X. The Abortion Appointment (1/28, 1/31)
Carly's voice: "Jason, look what I did to him."
Jason: "He's a tough little guy, Carly. The nurse said it's ok if you want to touch him."
Carly: "I can't. I can't, I can't, Jason. Stop."
Bobbie: "Take him, Carly. Because once you do, you're never going to want to let him go."
Beautiful memories of Michael's first days. It was too bad we only saw memories of sad scenes, rather than of Jason and Carly's happier moments. But these were about Michael, and the mix of Jason and Bobbie--what with Carly's hesitance to trust her mother in the wake of losing her best friend--in the clips was lovely. It also echoed the montage of memories Jason had when he was giving up his rights to Michael.
From Terry: "Baby love: Carly is at the abortion clinic. While she waits, she recalls Michael when he was a baby--we get snippets of scenes of her standing with Jason at the incubator, of Bobbie urging her to hold her baby when she was afraid to touch him, of a cozy moment with Jason holding the baby."
Tony: "What's the matter?"
Bobbie: "Carly."
Tony: "Oh. So that period of relative peace has ended?"
Tony: "She's pregnant. Just do me a favor and don't tell her that I told you that, ok?"
Carly's voice: "It must have torn you apart to give me up. I finally understand what you went through."
Bobbie: "Hello, Richmond Avenue clinic. I'm calling to check on a patient."
Bobbie: "Oh. Well, she may have been registered as Carly Roberts or Carly Morgan. Would you mind checking both?"
Receptionist: "Oh, well, there is a Caroline Morgan."
Bobbie: "Thank you. Thank you very much."
I wished we could have Bobbie figure things out on her own--that Carly would accidentally leave a phone number to the clinic behind, or a business card--and not have Tony be the one to tell her what was up. But he turned out to be un-intrusive, so, while a plot device, his spilling the beans was ok.
Terry: "The Tony/Bobbie stuff was pretty lame, to me. Didn't take much to make Tony spill the beans to Bobbie, but it wasn't played as if he were anxious to tell her and used the excuse of her prodding him along. And Bobbie could just pick up the phone and find out that a patient whose name she did not know precisely was at the clinic. Why didn't she ask when Caroline was scheduled to have her procedure, while she was at it? Seems the logical next question."
Arda: "He did spill too quickly, I thought. And I was a little surprised that Bobbie would think of 'Morgan' as Carly's alias."
From Terry's update: "Oops, was I not supposed to tell that?: Bobbie runs into Tony at the hospital and tells him she's worried about Carly. She mentions being concerned for Carly's health, and Tony quickly says, 'Physically, she's fine.' Bobbie wants to know how he can be so sure, and what he knows that she doesn't. She badgers him for all of 30 seconds, it seems, and he spills his news--Carly is pregnant."
"Name that daughter: I recover from another taping difficulty in time to get on tape the scene in which Bobbie calls the Women's Health Center, looking for Carly Benson. No, no one by that name is scheduled for a procedure today. Maybe Roberts or Morgan? A Caroline Morgan is scheduled, the receptionist volunteers. (Well, that's a major no-no, especially given the same woman's behavior when Bobbie shows up at the clinic on Monday.) At that moment, Carly returns from the restroom and her name is called by the nurse."
Bobbie: "Well, I'm not leaving. Oh, honey."
Carly: "Mom?"
Receptionist: "We're done for tonight. Why don't you help me lock up."
Carly: "How'd you find out?"
Bobbie: "I'm your mother. And I'm a nurse. I've been here and I've been trying to get in to see you, but they wouldn't let me. They almost had to call the police."
Carly: "Really? I wish I had known. I could've used your help, you know? It's really hard."
Bobbie: "Why didn't you tell me?"
Carly: "I don't know, you know? I just--I figured that it was my problem and, you know, I had to deal with my problem on my own."
Bobbie: "I'm your mother, and I love you. You never have to go through anything like this alone. Let's get you to the brownstone, ok? You can lie down and get some rest. You cramping? Did they prescribe anything for you?"
Carly: "I couldn't go through with it."
Bobbie: "I know, honey. I know. But the important thing right now is for you to get some rest."
Carly: "Mom, the abortion. I couldn't go through with it. I'm still pregnant."
Bobbie: "You didn't have the abortion?"
Carly: "No. All I could think about was Michael, you know, when he was in the hospital. And he was hooked up to all those tubes and stuff. You know, he was such a fighter, and yet he was so very tired because he had to work so hard. But he did it, you know, because he wanted so badly to live. And I started thinking about this baby, and I just--I just couldn't do it."
Bobbie: "Oh, honey. Look, I know that your marriage to a.j. hasn't been ideal, but, hey, maybe having another child is going to make it a little better."
Carly: "The baby's not A.J.'s, mom."
Bobbie: "Oh."
Oh. Well, you know Jason will come home the second he finds out."
Carly: "You don't know what kind of mess I've made."
Bobbie: "Oh, honey, all we have too is find him. Look, I know it's not going to be easy because the Quartermaines are going to go through the roof. And there will be a custody fight over Michael. But Jason loves you. He told me he does. He told me that he couldn't imagine his life without you in it."
Carly: "When did he say that? When?"
Bobbie: "The morning after I was supposed to get married. He came over to the brownstone to tell me the truth--that he knew the F.B.I. was closing in on Jerry. And he asked if there was anything he could do."
Carly: "That was before. Jason's not coming back now."
Bobbie: "Well, we have to find him. But I know he'll stand by you. I know he will."
Carly: "You don't understand."
Bobbie: "Honey, I understand that whatever has happened between the two of you, he loves you and he loves Michael, and he will love this baby. All we got to do is find him, honey. This is going to be ok."
Carly: "No, it's not going to be ok. You're not listening to me. Jason is not going to fix this."
Bobbie: "Ok. What exactly is it that I'm not getting? Explain it to me."
Bobbie: "Honey, I know you're hurt because Jason left, but as soon as he knows you're pregnant with his child he'll come back. So all we have to do is tell Sonny, and Sonny will find him."
Carly: "No. You know, you have to promise me the one person you absolutely cannot tell is Sonny."
Bobbie: "Why not?"
Carly: "Because the baby isn't Jason's. It's Sonny's."