I. Chloe and Jax Have Lunch (1/17)
Chloe: "Actually, you're a lot like my father. He was charming and handsome and wonderful to be with."
Jax: "And he left you."
Jax: "How did I miss that about you? Underneath that sparkle and self-assurance, you've been badly hurt."
Jax: "Well, perhaps I owe your Uncle Herbert an apology."
Chloe: "Why?"
Jax: "Because I've been so busy, you know, resenting him for his taste in second wives that I never realized he was just trying to help you."
Chloe: "He was a wonderful man."
Jax: "He was right. Because love is worth the risk. You have to trust me on that."
Chloe: "I do."
Jax: "Oh, virtue's overrated, Mrs. Ashton."
I'll admit that I prefer characters who can't help but let life back up on them in some way. I don't identify with those who keep a sunny outlook despite everything, and I don't particularly find that they make good characters. They're ok for supporting other stories, but stories that center on them don't interest me. That's been my continuing problem with Jax, who I've always found to be a boring prince charming kind of guy, as well as an enabler (though, because of Ingo, he's won me over from my complete apathy). And now they've put him with Chloe, who just bores me to tears.
These scenes, which should have been some depth and revelation for her character, showed up, were glossed over, and have yet to be mentioned again. We see Chloe tell Alexis that she's nervous about her relationship with Jax, but we don't see her delving into this stuff about her father. Or we see Jax's family worrying about his relationship to Chloe and her possible illness, but we don't get anything about why Chloe says what she does, other than that she loves Jax. Such simple motivations are boring to me. And this scene only made me wish that there were more to Chloe. Because there could be, and there isn't.
That's not to say that she's not a good foil or support for the other characters--or that she couldn't be. But she's not, and that's mostly because things have happened around her since she's gotten here. So now that things are happening to her, I couldn't care less. But I get ahead of where we are in the story, so I'll leave it for later.
II. Ned and Alexis Have Dinner (1/18)
Alexis: "Here's to Alan seducing Gertrude. May it be smooth."
Ned: "And charming."
Alexis: "And fast."
III. Jax and Alexis Plan Their Divorce (1/19)
Jax: "And since it's exactly six months, 14 days to the first anniversary of Ned and Chloe's wedding, I'm going to divorce you on that very date."
Alexis: "Oh. It's a good thing we're not really married or that would've hurt my feelings."
Alexis: "No, no. You know, you are the second best relationship --"
Jax: "Second?"
Alexis: "Not the first, second. Two, two."
Jax: "That's why I plan to spend as much of it with Chloe as I possibly can."
Alexis: "Fine. I support equal opportunity cheating."
Now, what I would have liked to see is Alexis with a secret crush on Jax, even if she never said a word about it. Or to see that cause tension between her and Chloe, with Chloe not knowing why. These little throwaway scenes with Alexis maybe being jealous but not quite were a tease. But I guess we have too many women who are with one man and wanting another these days. *G*
IV. Alexis and Chloe Discuss Jax (1/19)
Alexis: "I hate to break this to you, but there's a cloud hanging over your very sunny disposition."
Alexis: "Chloe --"
Chloe: "Hmm?"
Alexis: "Blurt it out."
Chloe: "And I had no intention of falling in love with him."
Alexis: "That I didn't know."
Alexis: "Are you scared?"
Chloe: "Yeah."
Alexis: "Do you know why?"
Chloe: "I think I'm afraid I'm going to lose him. Or lose me. I just -- I don't know what I would do if he left. Gosh, listen to me. I sound like a lunatic. I mean, I've lost my mind over this."
Alexis: "It's all supposed to be a pleasant experience."
Chloe: "Well, could you just keep reminding me of that?"
Alexis: "First time?"
Chloe: "Yes. It's pretty obvious, huh?"
Alexis: "Very. Love looks very good on you."
Chloe: "Thank you."
Alexis: "From what you've told me about your childhood, we couldn't have come from more different upbringings. But we do have something in common."
Chloe: "We're both married to the wrong man?"
Alexis: "Fear of intimacy. I have some books that I can lend you, but you have to give them back to me because I may need them sometime."
Chloe: "No, I don't believe you. I don't think you fear anything."
Alexis: "Really?"
Chloe: "Hmm."
Alexis: "It's an act. I'm afraid all of the time. But Ned showed me that if I play it safe, I'm not going to play at all. And I'm a player, so I chose to play."
V. Alexis Reminds Ned Why He Walked Away (1/20)
Ned: "Did you know that Jason has left town for good?"
Alexis: "No."
Ned: "A.J. is now the heir apparent."
Alexis: "Well, honey, that's not exactly news. Jason was never remotely interested in joining the family business."
Ned: "Yes, but the point is grandfather's hopes are now dashed, however unrealistic they were."
Ned: "Ordinarily I would gleefully wait for E.L.Q. stock to plunge and for A.J. to prove his cluelessness and thereby earn grandfather's eternal disdain."
Alexis: "I don't see any glee."
Ned: "No. No, there's none at all because however clueless A.J. may be, Carly is anything but."
Alexis: "Carly doesn't even like A.J."
Ned: "Yes, but she wants him to succeed. More for her to plunder when she grinds him into dust. So, now A.J. doesn't have to think at all. He's got Carly for that. And she will strategize and manipulate until A.J. will just shine."
Ned: "And can you explain to me why I did that again? No, no. Actually, don't explain to me. Just tell me why I shouldn't go back and try to get my old job back."
Alexis: "The sinking feeling that you're experiencing right now -- somewhere between rage and despair --"
Ned: "That's it -- exactly."
Alexis: "That's what E.L.Q. does to Quartermaines. It eats its young."
Ned: "From the inside out."
Alexis: "That's why you left the company and that's why you're not going back."
Ned: "Yes. What would I do without you?"
Alexis: "I don't know, but you'll never have to find out."
Ned: "Let's toast to that in your room."
Alexis: "Ok."
Ned: "The drinks are on junior -- and the joke."
Now, the saving grace of the mixed marrieds at this point was the hints at reattaching Ned and Alexis to their respective families now that they're so strong a unit. While Jax and Chloe float free of any familial ties, now that Jerry's gone (Jane and Jax pop in when it's convenient, but they're not real complications, finally), Ned and Alexis come from such complicated family dynamics that it's always a treat to see them dealing with it, even when they're not in scenes with family members. Now, if we could just get a bit of tension going between them about choices they've made concerning their families, I'd be pleased as punch.
VI. Playing Footsie (1/21)
Jax: "Well, see, I've never equated a loving husband with public groping."
Chloe: "Oh, he's not groping me."
Ned: "And even if I were, you deserve it for all the times you've kissed Alexis in front of me. Going all the way back to that dip in that Las Vegas wedding chapel. I know it wasn't for Gertrude. It was for me."
Jax: "Oh, yeah, right."
Ned: "So let me tell you something. What goes around comes around. It's now your turn to suffer."
Chloe: "Well, now, I don't really see why anyone has to suffer."
Ned: "I never cease to be surprised at what you don't know, Jax."
Chloe: "Ok. Now, you have really been a spectacular husband, but I must -- I must insist that you stop tormenting Jax."
Ned: "Oh, no, no, no, no. He's much tougher than he looks."
Jax: "Thanks. What? Oh, come on. I'm not going to start anything with sonny. Although, actually, on second thought, perhaps it is best if we paid the bill and left."
Ned: "Norman? When you have a chance, can you bring us the dessert menu?"
Ned: "Man, oh, man. You've got it bad."
Jax: "Yes. Not only that, but it's getting harder and harder to hide it."
Ned: "When I first left E.L.Q., I got some out-of-town offers. And they forced me and Alexis to at least dance around the topic of marriage. But we both agreed that we weren't ready. So then when this marriage of convenience came up, well, that was -- it made me able to sort of put off dealing with how I feel about Alexis. I mean, this fake marriage bought me some time."
Jax: "So have you come up with any conclusions?"
Ned: "I am terrified about having my heart broken like I had with Lois. But Alexis isn't Lois. So, I want to take that chance. I think."
Jax: "Yeah. You know, when we went to Vegas, I was seriously toying with the idea of marrying Chloe. Not because of how I felt about her. But -- I mean, there was an obvious attraction there. But I think it's like you said. Subconsciously I was running away from anything that was real. And marrying a complete stranger seemed like an excellent way to have a date for a year. And also stop everyone from wondering who was going to replace Brenda. I mean, after Brenda died, I assumed that I would never care this much about anyone again. And if I've learned anything from her death, it's that I don't want to waste a moment of my life."
Chloe: "Excuse me. Did I miss anything?"
Chloe: "My husband is so thoughtful."
Jax: "Your husband kisses you too much."
These scenes dragged on too long for my taste, and the joke of the mixed marrieds out in public and pretending--and somebody being irritated or sexually frustrated--was wearing desperately thin. But I absolutely adored the conversation with Jax and Ned, and wanted to see more, more, more of something between the two of them--a friendship, an uneasy business partnership to get Chloe's company back (boy, that one was tossed off in about a nano-second), something.
From Terry's update: "Ned and Chloe meet for an early dinner. He reminds her they need to "raise our profile as a happily married couple" and that they've been spending too much time with the wrong spouses. As he moves in for a public display of affection, Jax shows up and invites himself to join them."
"Across the restaurant from Bobbie and Carly, Ned sits with his arm around Chloe, while Jax complains that one can look like a happy couple without 'public groping.' As they talk, Chloe slips off her shoe and runs her toes over Jax's knee, prompting a big smile from him as he starts rubbing her foot and prompting a loud shriek from the updater here. 'The tablecloths are short, you idiots,' I yell, becoming involved in the action momentarily. 'They do not cover your legs by any stretch. One gropes a tablemate, if need be, under a long tablecloth and/or in a secluded booth, not at a table in the middle of an open room where everyone can see your toe work. CUT THAT OUT."
"Jax continues to act jealous and Ned continues to 'torment' him by snuggling with Chloe. Sonny walks into the Grille, and Chloe does a way-too-big reaction when she sees him. He walks to the bar, exchanges looks with Carly."
"Coffee is served. Ned and Chloe look worriedly at Jax, who assures them he has no plans to start something with Sonny. Chloe leaves to make a call to Milan."
"Ned confides to Jax (this doesn't work for me very well) that he's terrified about having his heart broken again as Lois broke it, but he's sure Alexis would not do that so he's contemplating marrying her post-mix. Jax talks about Brenda and how her death taught him not to waste a moment of his life."
"Chloe is back at the table. She and Jax are making googoo eyes at one another. Ned goes to the bar to give them time alone. They talk mushy and her foot goes wandering again."
VII. Ned Fights Back (1/25)
Ned: "Too many people want to see me crash and burn, and I refuse to give them that satisfaction. Besides, I love what I'm doing and I want to keep doing it."
VIII. Chloe Gets Jealous (1/25, 1/26)
Felicia: "You know what?"
Tammy: "Hmm?"
Felicia: "I didn't know that Ned Ashton was trained in wilderness survival. Perhaps a country club. Hmm."
Jax: "Look, I don't mean to be unkind, but my experience with sonny is that he only loves himself."
Hannah: "Well, what about you? Did you ever try to replace Brenda?"
Jax: "No. I'm smarter than that. I mean, I miss her. Even now. But then, when I least expected it, someone unique came along and changed everything."
Hannah: "You're happy now?"
Jax: "Yeah, she made it possible for me. She made it possible for me to live in the future and not in the past."
Jax: "People try to warn me all the time. I never listen to them, either."
Jax: "Now you sound like Brenda. Because she was always blaming herself for what happened between her and sonny. You know, there was a sadness in her -- a sadness that he put there."
Hannah: "Well, I'm sorry."
Jax: "Don't let him do that to you, Hannah. Sonny is a destroyer. He seduces women, and then he breaks them down until there's nothing left but misery and blame. Don't let him do that to you. Just be grateful you got far enough away from him."
Hannah: "I'm not. I'm crazy about him. Sometimes the only thing I can manage to do is get up out of bed in the morning."
Jax: "Yeah, but you did. You got up, you got yourself here, you strapped on a pair of skates, and you went for it. Now, that takes strength, and clearly you have a lot of it."
And the next day:
Jax: "Whatever you're feeling, however crazy you think you've become over this, I'm right here with you."
Chloe: "Do you dream about us being together?"
Jax: "Yeah. When I'm asleep and when I'm awake."
Chloe: "Do you feel insanely possessive of me?"
Jax: "Absolutely. Every time Ned touches you, I want to break his arm."
Chloe: "Jax, I don't know how much more of this I can take. I -- losing my company has become less important to me by the hour."
Jax: "Chloe, once Alan marries Gertrude, then everything will fall into place. Ok? And your company will be safe, Ned and Alexis can be together, and we can finally show the world exactly what we mean to each other."
Chloe: "I don't care about the world. I only care about you."
Jax: "Ok."
Chloe: "Yeah."
These scenes were just painful. Painful and nauseating. The thought that we were going to create some triangle with Chloe and Hannah around Jax? I could just puke. Fortunately this was one of those times that something--this time Chloe's jealousy--was brought up out of the blue for a single episode and dropped.
IX. Ned and Alexis Watch Alan at Work (1/26)
Ned: "I told you. Alan has Gertrude eating out of his hand."
Alexis: "He's irresistible. Don't look. Must run in the family."
Ned: "Hmm."
Alexis: "He's not in your league, of course. I mean, that goes without saying."
Ned: "Thank you."
Alexis: "No problem. I do feel guilty about coercing him into marrying Gertrude, though."
Ned: "Please. If anyone deserves to be sacrificed to Gertrude, it's Alan. Besides, it's not like I haven't done the same for him. Did you know that I married Katherine to keep him out of jail? The least he could do is return the favor."
Alexis: "Look at her. Don't look. She's drooling in her martini."
Ned: "I knew she would be. Alan is the original master of infidelity. Nothing I've attempted even comes close."
Ned: "Did you see how upset grandfather was when he saw them together? The best reaction we could have hoped for."
Alexis: "What am I missing?"
Ned: "If he can accept them as a couple, anyone can."
Ned: "Consider yourself kissed."
Alexis: "I'd really rather have a real one."
Ned: "I'll be in touch."
Alexis: "Touch would be good."
X. You and Me Against Our Families (1/27)
Alexis: "I know, I know. I know I shouldn't do that. I just didn't know it would be so much fun."
Alexis: "She's probably out there right now plotting my demise. Boo!"
Ned: "Do you really want to joke about that?"
Alexis: "Well, it beats the hell out of living in fear of her. Anyway, she fell for my bluff. I told her that I know all of her secrets, which I don't, and it got her all paranoid."
Ned: "It's not a bad idea just to ease up a little bit, ok?"
Alexis: "Killjoy. That was really neat, how you came in here and defended me."
Ned: "Nobody's going to threaten my girl. Not while I'm around. Especially not Helena."
Alexis: "My hero."
Ned: "When Lois and Brenda started this company, the only mandate was autonomy, and that's the way it's going to stay."
A.J.: "Heard your little company hit a snag. Not that I'm surprised."
Ned: "Oh, so grandfather's speaking to you?"
A.J.: "I was wondering if I could interest you in a loan."
Ned: "Not in this lifetime."
Ned: "Did you come all the way over here just to gloat?"
A.J.: "Actually, brought you a present. Paper clips. I don't think I'll be needing them."
Alexis: "I'm beginning to see the problem here. You really don't have any talent at all for strategy."
Alexis: "What are you going to do when L&B crashes? I mean, where is Ned going to go? Because the only reason that you are running E.L.Q. is because Ned chooses not to."
Ned: "That's not exactly the only reason."
Alexis: "Oh, right. Well, Michael is the reason that you have the corner office. But he can't keep you there. You're going to have to come up with some other stunt. I don't know. What do you think? Maybe another child?"
Ned: "Well, no, I think you have to sleep in the same room with your wife for that to work."
Alexis: "And for future reference, L&B uses staples."
Ned: "Don't hold your breath. So, what's gotten into you? First Helena, then junior."
Alexis: "Teamwork. You scare off my family, I scare off yours. Together, we are untouchable."
Ned: "Really?"
Alexis: "It's just a figure of speech."
Ned: "Ooh."
Love, love, love this pair of scenes, which I've commented on elsewhere in this review. The two of them stepping in as backup for each other against Helena and AJ was delicious. But again, I can't believe Alexis didn't realize what she was getting herself into--didn't have a hint of worry about her throughout everything. Now, I know it's been a while since Hel's done something to a family member, but Katherine's death wasn't that far back, after all.
XI. Chloe Meets Helena's Bumper (1/28)
Chloe: "Thank you very much."
Alexis: "For the coat or for my husband?"
Chloe: "Both."
Alexis: "But the coat I want back."
Oh, and this was just amazingly lame. Out of the blue Helena crossed over from the other side of the canvas to end the mixed married scheme and cast Chloe into a sequence of boring and repetitive medical crises. First our comments, then Terry's update:
Amy: "Instead of having conflict internal to the mixed marrieds, they are going to waste all of that potential and go for something that I really, really already hate. Alexis will taunt Helena, Helena will decide that Alexis knows more than she really does, and Helena will hire a guy to kill Alexis. Chloe will go to meet Jax out of town, dressed as Alexis and a guy will try to run her down with a car! Hello, Brenda! So they will all decide that life is too short, and they will end the lies about the marriages. YUCK! I can't tell you how much I hate that Guza's bringing in an outsider to 'solve' this one, or how he's going to end the secret marriages without exploring the tensions that are in between the members. And we only now got good stuff with the girls and the boys talking to the people of the same sex! Damn."
Terry: "That hit-and-run was pretty pitiful. Chloe is lying there like a rag doll, not a spot of blood anywhere. I don't think a body crunched by a really speeding car would look so tidy and unspoiled, myself. And why didn't Jax whip out a cell phone and call 911 himself? I know, picky picky. I was kinda surprised that 'madame' did the deed herself, but I know that she killed Alexis' mama herself, so I guess there's a logic behind having her try to kill Alexis herself as well, but given that she just got out of being accused of murdering another woman, I found it odd she'd take such a chance."
"Besides, I think of Alexis as tall, and Chloe as a little slip of a thing. Throwing a hood over one's head makes those sorts of differences disappear and fools people into thinking Chloe is Alexis?"
Arda: "The lack of blood was strange. I remember when Bobbie and Jerry were in the accident there were rivulets of blood. I usually don't care for gory stuff, but a woman run over by a car shouldn't look like she just decided to take a nap on the road. And Chloe still looked just like herself."
Terry: "I do notice that Michelle Patrick is writing what seems like more during Patrick Mulcahey's hiatus."
Arda: "I miss Mulcahey terribly. We haven't had a really good episode since he left."
Judy: "I looked into part of Friday's episode while it was taping, but my tape cut off the hit'n'run at the end, so I can't make fun of Chloe's cheesy accident... dang! Do you think Chloe's dead?"
Terry: "Chloe will pull through, I hate to tell ya. And she'll have a really lame cliché story, which I won't reveal unless you ask, since I love that you got to hope Chloe was dead, not having seen spoilers."
From Terry's update: "So, anyway, we begin our update in the middle of what I take to have been the first scene. I wouldn't know, because of the over enthusiastic weather people at my ABC affiliate. It was Chloe and Alexis talking on a sidewalk, and we apparently didn't miss anything crucial to our understanding of the episode, but still, I was aggravated. The women are in front of a hotel where Chloe and Jax are registered for a rendezvous under the name 'Mr. and Mrs. Jacks.' Chloe is thanking Alexis for her generosity; not only is Alexis loaning out her husband, she's given Chloe her coat as well, to fool anyone watching Jax into thinking he's with his wife. This is one of the sillier episodes in the mixed married saga, pointing out how ludicrous this particular caper is: if anyone bought Chloe's "disguise" for one moment (Alexis's white coat with the hood over her head, and a scarf), the jig would still be up once they spotted her talking to Alexis, wearing jeans and a knit cap. Apparently we are supposed to think this is also a disguise, as Alexis says something about, 'I figured as long as you are dressed like me, I'm going to dress like this.'"
"Jax opens a hotel room door to admit Chloe. She thinks she looks 'very Alexis' but he assures her she 'sparkles like Chloe.' Soon they are pulling one another's clothes off."
"We move to the Chloe/Jax afterglow. Snuggling in bed, they talk dreamily about spending long stretches of time together. He wants to take her to a cabin in Alaska that his parents used to own."
"The love of baked goods leads to trouble: Jax walks Chloe out of the hotel. She's again swathed in Alexis's coat and scarf. They need to part ways to cover their tracks, and she says she'll head to the bakery across the street. Her heel comes off midstreet and as she turns to smile about that to Jax, we see Helena, a black cloak pulled over her perfectly coiffed white hair, watching from her dark car. She guns the engine, we see Chloe freeze in the headlights in a very deerlike fashion, and Jax cries 'Chlo--eeee' as he watches her being run down. Helena speeds away and he calls for someone to dial 911. Chloe looks like she's asleep in the road, with nary a smudge or a drop of blood in sight."