Despite the fact that the Backburner Bar had been on the backburner itself, it was still there, of course, waiting for its rather fickle author to pay it some attention. And what better time to visit than during summer vacation, when the clientele blooms temporarily with front-burner flora, allowing those whose backsides seemed permanently fixed to the Backburner's fine leather seats (such as AJ, Taggert, and possibly Alan and Monica) to test their mettle at the front lines again?

However, not all of the "usuals" were liberated: Tony Jones still languished without a story of his own, his brief time in the spotlight dictated solely by the whims of Chloe's psychic tumor; Dara lingered at the bar as well, lamenting the fact that Wyndemere's freezer had more screentime than she did; and Audrey sat patiently, warming a seat until the next time Liz remembered that she had a grandmother. As for the rest, all domestics and staff: Andreas, Johnny, Leticia, Reginald, Benny, and the now-notorious Mrs. Lansbury. The best they could hope for was an occasional audience with their front-burner masters. Unable to resist the pull of servitude, they rotated shifts as bartender, that position currently occupied by Andreas.

"I had the strangest dream last night," said Dara. "I was standing over the sink in boxer shorts, eating cold pizza and humming the love theme from 'The Godfather'."

Benny nudged an already blushing Johnny and grinned: "Sounds like one of your Saturday nights, to me..."

Dara sighed. "Great. I'm dreaming through the eyes of someone who has even less of a social life than I do..."

Leticia pulled at Reginald's arm and gestured at the front door: "Hey, am I dreaming, or is that Luke Spencer I see outside?"

As the patrons of the bar turned to look, Reginald voiced a confirmation. "Yep. And he's got Felicia and Laura with him."

Audrey shook her head. "My, my. That must have been a long journey, given how those two women feel about each other right now..."

Indeed, Luke did look a bit harried as he entered the Backburner, his wife and mistress flanking him on either side. He managed a weak wave to the other patrons and headed straight for the bar.

"Your name still Andreas?" Luke asked.

"Of course it is."

"So you haven't ticked off the ol' lady yet. Good for you." He extended his index finger and tapped the surface of the bar. "Pour me a drink, will ya? The usual..."

Andreas went to grab a glass and then hesitated. "Sir, I don't believe that you have a 'usual'..."

"Guess it's best not to have one of those here, is it?" Luke said, winking at the rest of the crowd. "Scotch... a double," he added

Laura slid into the barstool next to Luke. "I'd like the same..."

Felicia immediately staked her claim to the stool on Luke's other side. "Sure, you would..." she said to Laura, with more than a note of sarcasm, "...now...."

Laura bristled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that the whole time Luke was alone, you couldn't care less about him. Now that he's not pining after you anymore, suddenly, poof! you want him again." Felicia crossed her arms over her chest and jerked her head in a quick nod, punctuating the end of her argument with a "so there!" gesture.

Laura leaned over Luke, zeroing in on Felicia with a mighty glare, "What in the world does ordering the same drink as Luke have to do with my feelings about him?" she asked, in a low, menacing tone, while a bemused Andreas tried to serve the twin double-scotches without interfering with the exchange.

Felicia leaned in too, effectively crowding Luke out of the discussion. "It's a metaphor, you twit..."

"Metaphor? Hah! It was non-sequitor, and you know it.... HACK!"

"METAPHOR!"

"NON-SEQUITOR!"

"VACILLATOR!"

"EQUIVOCATOR!"

The two women leapt to their feet, and from there, the argument dissolved into salvos of thesaural insults and the pulling of many a blonde hair. Luke grinned and leaned back into the bar, turning toward a now-rapt Andreas: "Y'know? I should probably put a stop to this," he said, "but it's kind of a turn-on..."

"Indeed it is..."

"That was a rhetorical quip, Man. Get your own pair of battling blondes."

"I beg your pardon," said Andreas, nodding in an appropriately submissive manner. He cast an appreciative eye over to Audrey's table: Hmmm...an even match physically, perhaps...but Helena would probably just poison her or slit her throat.... No contest, really..."

"C'mon ladies, break it up! OUCH!" Tony Jones tried to wedge himself between Laura and Felicia, and became the recipient of a hair-pull gone astray.

"Oh Tony, I'm so sorry!" cried Laura.

"Me too!" added Felicia. "We never meant to hurt you!"

"I know, I know...no harm done...." Tony rubbed his wounded head and looked from one woman to the other. "Y'know, I'm pretty fond of both of you, and it bothers me to see you at each other's throats. Can't you work something out? I mean...there's plenty of other guys out there besides Luke..."

"Hey!" Luke protested. "I'm still in the room, here!"

Tony continued: "...a guy you might already be close to...a guy that you may have been related to...by marriage, of course..."

"Tony has a point, you know," said Felicia, trying to rearrange her damaged coiffure. "Maybe we can work out some kind of arrangement..."

Laura cocked an eyebrow, clearly interested: "You mean..."

"Yes! You can have Mac for a while, while I fool around with your husband!"

"And then we'll switch back?"

"Sure!"

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart!" said Felicia, pantomiming the expression for good measure.

"Deal!" agreed Laura. And the women shook hands, adjourning to a nearby table to hammer out the details.

So much for that floor show. Luke sighed and downed his drink in one gulp. "Nice going, Doc ex-bro-in-law..."

"Tell me about it," griped an obviously disappointed Tony, motioning to Andreas for a drink. "I'll have whatever he's having," he said, jerking a thumb in Luke's direction.

Luke smiled and clapped a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Yeah, you wish, pal...you wish..."

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