The Quartermaines (cont.):

Alan: "Father, what, is it--is it A.J.?"
Monica: "Is he alive?"
Edward: "Probably. The drunks are usually the only ones to survive."

Monica: "Which police?"
Edward: "The bald one."

Monica: "This is a phone. It is used for messages, not to summon people."
Edward: "There you go, sticking your parental heads in the sand again, and it's already cost you two sons."
Alan: "You did that."
Edward: "No, I didn't. If you aren't careful, you're going to lose a daughter. Now, when I questioned Emily, she denied it. But I could see something in her eyes, and I think she's hiding something. But, you know, the two of you, you're right. What was I thinking of to call you? I'll handle this myself."

Monica: "Alan, I don't need to go to an ob-gyn to find out whether or not I'm pregnant."
Alan: "I thought you were thrilled at the possibility of having another child. Have you changed your mind?"

Monica: "No, I--I'm excited about the possibility of being pregnant. It'd be a chance to maybe get it right this time. And also make Edward eat every bad parenting remark he's made in his whole life."
Alan: "I got to tell you something. My father's hardly a candidate for parent of the year. And you must not let him dampen one second of joy that this pregnancy could bring you."


Monica: "You see? You see, that's just it. At the moment, I could be pregnant. And if I go get the test, then the likelihood that I'm not, I mean, is right there. I kind of like the possibility."
Alan: "I'm just so thrilled about the possibility of being a parent again. I'm sure I may lose my job as chief of staff because everyone's going to think I'm certifiable."
Monica: "This one will not go to boarding school."
Alan: "No, my schedule will be around his or her softball game, and nothing will take precedent over that."
Monica: "Me, too."
Alan: "And I'm going to be strict with this one."
Monica: "Well, you might try."
Alan: "Oh, I'm going to be strict. I can do it."
Monica: "Now, excuse me? You don't have it in you."
Alan: "Tell you what I am going to do. I'm going to park a snowplow right outside the house. And even if there's a blizzard or you have kicked me out of here, I will be there when this child is born. I am going to be the most attentive father-to-be. So much so that you are going to beg me to stop asking you, 'is everything ok? Do you need anything?'"

IV. Monica and Alan Learn that She's Not Pregnant (7/12)

Monica: "Well, first, I--you know, I thought, hey, got to be menopause. But I know all the signs. I--oh, am I just being foolish?"
Lila: "Wanting a child is one of the most natural things in the world, dear."
Monica: "I know, I know. And Alan and I spent so many years fighting with each other, cheating on each other. I mean, now--now that we have the wisdom to get it right, do we get a second chance?"
Lila: "Oh, I do hope so. It would give this family something to celebrate."
Monica: "I think I really need this, Lila. I think Alan does, too."

Alan: "Well, mother, are you ready for the pitter patter of little grandfeet?"
Lila: "I've sent up a special prayer."
Alan: "Well, I hope he's listening. I sent up a request of my own."
Lila: "Oh?"
Alan: "A boy."
Lila: "Well, my darlings, you both have my blessing."

Alan: "Not that I wouldn't love a girl."
Monica: "Alan, hey, we don't even have the results yet."
Alan: "But I really want a boy."
Monica: "Yeah, for a second chance."
Alan: "A.J. and Jason have paid for so many of our mistakes."
Monica: "Well, most parents do. You know, that's part of the job."
Alan: "I just wish that I'd paid more attention. You know, there was always something more important--hospital politics, one of the two of us having some stupid affair. And then they just got left whatever was hanging around, and it just wasn't enough. Then we sent them off to boarding school. They come back, they're adults, and they're gone. And I don't know which is worse--Jason being out there in the world not having any memory of me loving him or A.J. being here destroying himself and not caring whether I do or not. I just know now that I could have made a difference if I was there, like on Halloween or A.J.'s 10th birthday or coming home from the hospital to play catch with them, and I never did it. I just want to be able to start over again."
Monica: "I know. I know. I think of all the times that I missed the bedtime stories because I was called to E.R. The boys weren't the only ones that were cheated."

Monica: "Well, not only am I not pregnant, but I am peri-menopausal."
Alan: "It's ok."
Monica: "I'm sorry."
Alan: "There's no reason to be."

Monica: "Alan, come on, now. You know, having an unexpected child is one thing, but launch a whole campaign?"
Alan: "Why not?"

Alan: "I saw it in your eyes, Monica. You want this baby as much as I do. Am I wrong?"
Monica: "I'm really--I don't--I don't think I'm up to the research right now."
Alan: "Then I'll do it."
Monica: "I don't know, Alan."
Alan: "Well, we don't have to decide today. Let's just--let's just take this as a wake-up call and hope we got it in time, ok?"

Judy: "Since I was quite wrong in thinking she was pregnant *g*, let me qualify it by saying that I didn't think the symptoms of peri-menopause and pregnancy were similar at all (aside from the mood swings and 'irregular' periods). Any 50-something doctor should've been suspecting menopause way before pregnancy. (Although, I realize it was Monica's wishful thinking that clouded her judgment). Where I do think they're headed now is off in the Cheryl Tiegs direction (she has gotten a lot of press lately with her peri-menopausal pregnancy), which makes me decidedly uncomfortable. Why can't they just adopt another kid, instead of invoking the latest medical miracle? Frankly, I think our bodies are designed to stop being baby factories at that age for a reason (several, in fact *g*), but I won't go into that rant."

Amy: "I knew that she couldn't be pregnant, but from a different slant. For the same reason they wouldn't saddle Carly with two children under the age of 5, they would not saddle Monica with a brand new child, unless she was going to lose it, and I don't think they'd do that again so soon."

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