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My older son, now a junior in high school, is a big GH fan who has watched
off and on since he was tiny. During the school year, Wonderpony (as the GHR
staff calls him) doesn't have much time to watch, since he is not only a super-student
(4.0, taking AP calculus, etc.) but deeply involved in lots of extracurricular
activities. In summers, he gets a chance to indulge his love of Port Charles.
This summer, he was not a happy viewer. There were some things he liked, but a
lot more that disturbed him. What follows is a collaborative work detailing his
impressions of what worked and what did not work on GH this summer. (He
was away at camp during the month of June, so his impressions are mainly based
on the July and August shows.) ABC seems more concerned with capturing the demographic
group my son is in (the teens and 20-somethings) than in holding the folks in
my age bracket (over 40). Maybe they should note that, in this household anyway,
the strategy they have in place does not seem to be working.
1. The Pony loved the dueling Lukes: the internal Luke we saw talking to the
external Luke everyone around him could see. Pony did have one small quibble,
though--he wished that VisionLuke looked different from regular Luke, like he
had different hair or a distinctive outfit or something to set him apart visually.
The Pony loves Luke generally, and he enjoyed seeing VisionLuke yelling all the
things Wonderpony wanted to yell at Luke, like in the scene in the alley with
Felicia. Even though Pony loves Luke, he also cackled in delight when Felicia
hauled off and landed that perfect roundhouse kick to the side of his face. Then
again, the Pony has always had a soft spot for violent women. *G* In FGC Bobbie
(aka Favorite GH character Bobbie, a designation in signature files on
the newsgroup rec.arts.tv.soaps.abc), he is "keeper of the All-American butt-kicking,"
in honor of the long-ago scene where Bobbie decked Helena. He also fondly remembers
Laura throwing a drink in Katherine Bell's face.
2. The Pony hates the Carly recast, the Carly/Sonny storyline, and, for good
measure, Angel. When watching, he frequently announces that the real Carly
would never say that/wear that/do that. By this, he does not mean just Sarah Brown
vs. Tamara Braun, but the authentic character, whom he thinks has been
altered in a negative way in recent months. Carly is too whiny now, he complains,
and suddenly she doesn't seem to understand at all. (To be clear, he is started
to soften on this position in the last week or so, as the writing for Carly continues
to evolve.) Tamara is growing on him as an actress, and he has decided he might
like her as a different character, but not as Carly, since the character is being
changed at the same time as the actress and he does not like the change in the
character.
3. The Pony hates Sonny standing around looking frustrated, glaring at Carly,
glaring at Bobbie (until she disappeared from our screens), glaring at Mike, glaring
at Angel. Pony read the Internet rumors bout Maurice Bernard walking off the set
in August, and has good reason (a really reliable source) to believe there was
some truth to the rumors. The Pony says he doesn't blame Benard at all, because
he would hate to be stuck in this story and to be threatened with more
Sonny/Angel junk in the future.
4. And Angel herself? The Pony missed her earliest scenes, as he was away at
camp. Still, he quickly grew to despise her. Sonny, he assures me, would never
be interested in a woman like that. He would be deeply suspicious of her. Besides,
the sledgehammer use of color symbolism made Pony nuts (and his mother, too, I
admit), and he is not appeased by the fact that characters now comment on Angel's
all-white wardrobe with derision, skepticism, or curiosity (depending on the character).
Enough of the constant white already, Pony says. Carly seemed to spend most of
the summer, in obvious contrast, in red or in bright garish prints. Speaking of
overplaying the contrast between Carly and Angel, Wonderpony realizes that Angel
is supposed to be quiet and soothing and therefore the anti-Carly. However, Carly
has always had her quiet, soothing moments, especially when that was what Sonny
needed from her. More to the point, Angel is so quiet, with her monotone
whispery delivery and heavy-lidded look, that the Pony says she is sleep-inducing.
5. The Pony is still, months later, wondering what the deal was with the explosion
at Sonny's penthouse. First Sonny goes in with a bomb strapped to his body and
spends scene after scene telling Sorrel he's ready to die along with his enemy
and will push the button to detonate it. Then we get a detonation and Sonny is
nowhere to be found. Then Sonny staggers out of the kitchen relatively unharmed.
So apparently he was not in the room when the bomb when off. Huh? Pony (and his
mom) missed something, which happens when you don't have the time or energy to
watch every second of every show. Yet that big plot point was never mentioned
again, the way a lot of stuff gets repeated on soaps to fill in the gaps for viewers
who missed a scene or a day. Pony and I kept waiting for a line or two from Carly
("If you hadn't left the bomb in the living room when you went to make coffee,
you could be dead.") or Bobbie ("Sonny, I keep imagine you walking to
the kitchen and setting off the bomb. Didn't you realize Carly was right next
door?") or Sonny ("I was ready to die. Then the bomb went off by accident
when I was across the room.") or anybody to recap what happened to
help us know why the bomb was not still attached to Sonny's body when it detonated.
6. The Pony likes to see Stefan in need of a haircut. That always seems to
mean Stefan's a bit unhinged. Pony is just glad to see Stefan show up on the screen
more often. The different Cassadine is one of Pony's favorite GH characters.
Wonderpony doesn't buy the whole "I love you, Chloe" business, knowing
(well, he is my son, after all) that Stefan's heart will always and only
belong to Laura. When the inevitable Stefan/Stavros fireworks kick in, Pony wants
Laura right in the middle of things. And while it isn't really from the summer
episodes, but recent events, Pony wants to know how on earth they explain that
long chat Stavros and Stefan had that Stefan apparently doesn't remember at all.
7. The Pony hopes that GH doesn't go the way of Port Charles, which
he thinks has gone over the edge. Time travel? Vampires? Not on his soap, thank
you. Now weather machines he can dig; after all, the U.S. government has actually
tried to develop one (the HAARP project in Alaska).
8. The Pony liked Jax's initial return scenes. The jewelry heist was nifty,
he thought, and a nice throwback to GH's superspy Robert/Anna days. (Wonderpony
has seen tapes.) The Pony was never a big Jax fan, but he thinks if Jax is presented
consistently as a cool international playboy adventurer, it will be fun to watch.
The initial good impression is fading, however, as Jax is suddenly knee-deep in
every major story on the canvas and muscling aside others. The Cassadine/Spencer
feud now features Jax? Angel and Jax have established ties? Pul-leeze.
9. The Pony wants to know where the real kids of GH have gone. Not the
Scooby Gang of "teens"--Gia, Nik, Lucky, Liz. He can't avoid them, no
matter how he tries. He means Georgie, Maxis, Lulu, Lucas, and Michael. He loves
Lulu and does not want to see her SORASed (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome,
in which a young character suddenly shows up several years older than he/she was)
and the Lulu twins replaced. He loves Maxie and thinks the actress was doing tremendous
stuff during the early Felicia/Mac breakup story. He was hoping to see more of
her this summer. Isn't summer traditionally the time for a focus on teen storylines?
And speaking of the older "kids," he misses Emily.
10. Finally, the Pony is a Quartermaine fan. He loves Monica. He loves Edward
and Lila. He likes it when the Qs fight and everyone talks at once. He likes AJ
when AJ is drinking; he thinks Billy Warlock plays a rich young lush very well.
The "breakfast of champions" line when AJ once poured booze on his cornflakes
was Pony's favorite AJ moment of all time. The Pony would enjoy watching a sustained
Q-centric storyline, as long as it doesn't center on the "newest" Quartermaine,
Skye Chandler.
P.S. The Pony says: Todd rules. Okay, Todd is on One Life to Live, not
GH, but Wonderpony loves Todd.
P.P. S. The Pony says : Starr rules, too. There is no better guilty pleasure
than watching scenes of Todd and his bratty daughter Starr, who inevitably leave
Pony howling with laughter. They are both the Bomb.
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