Now and Then: Lulu's Birthday by Amy McWilliams

It was fantastic coincidence that I watched Lulu's birthday on August 7th and then found myself re-watching her birth later that night. I'm currently viewing tapes of old episodes, sent every so often by a friend, and I am up to August 1994.

The comparison between the sequence of scenes that depicted Lulu's birth and the status of the Spencer family now is fascinating. At least, it fascinates me, and I hope it will fascinate you as well. I'll summarize the scenes as I go along, to remind those of you who watched then and to inform others of the action and characters.

At this time, a pregnant Laura was leading the community of Charles Street in a peaceable movement against the Quartermaine family's plan to put a toxic waste incinerator in their neighborhood (at that time, newer viewers will note, the families of Port Charles intermingled). At the beginning of this sequence of scenes, two men had shown up at the Spencer house. One had said he was there to talk about Laura's plans, but after she let him inside, another one showed up, having come through the front of the house. Scared, Laura faked labor pains and then darted inside the basement door. As the men outside decided what to do, she fell down the stairs.

Later, when Luke and Lucky got home, Foster scratched and whined at the door until Luke stopped, dropped his snack, and busted in the door. Horrified, he ran down the stairs to Laura, who was weeping out of fear and relief to see him.

At the hospital, the doctors announced that part of the placenta had broken away from the wall of the uterus and that Laura was bleeding. They would have to take the baby by c-section. Luke was allowed into the operating room, and insisted on doing whatever handholding was necessary. As the doctors worked, they reminisced about Lucky's birth: the fisherman's bag the midwife carried and Laura coveted so much because of its many pockets to hold all manner of stuff, the rooster print shade on the lamp Luke held close so he could see his son being born, and their utter happiness.

Laura spoke of seeing Lucky for the first time. Hearing her description, I thought of a more recent scene with her and Lucky, when she told him that she knew he could never rape anybody because she had looked into his eyes when he was born and had seen his soul. One of Laura's greatest strengths is her faith, especially in her family. She has that faith in Lucky, and I hope that Lucky comes to find his faith in himself and in his family again.

The baby was born, and while Luke lamented the fact that Laura seemed to think the child had his nose, things were not well. After Simone took the baby to look after her, Laura told Luke there was something wrong and the doctors asked him to leave. He was frantic, insisting on staying, and only the fact that he could interfere in their work made him acquiesce. As I looked at his face, I saw the man I see now--the man so scared of losing his wife he can hardly think straight. He hides that panic now, as he feels he must, because now the threat isn't medical. What he fears most of all is that the threat is from the inside. He fears that he will do or has done something that will drive Laura away; he fears that she will love or already loves somebody else. So he hides his pain, not wanting to face it.

After he left, Laura began to slip out of consciousness while Bobbie urged her to focus. Laura remembered being reunited with her mother, Lesley, and told Bobbie that she wanted her mother. I was glad to know that later, she would be reunited with her mother again, for Lesley was taken by the Cassadines and presumed dead. Yet in that moment, I also thought that the writing team has missed the boat in not bringing Lesley back with her daughter this time. I would love to see Lesley's take on things, especially on Luke.

Meanwhile, at the nursery, Simone looked after the baby as Lucky and Luke stood at the window and watched. Luke was clearly shaken, but also amazed at the thought and sight of this new little life--his new daughter. At one point, Lucky reached up and put his hand on his father's shoulder, and Luke returned by putting his arm around his son. Yes, Lucky behaved like his father--still does. But what is missing now--what Lucky can't let himself feel--is the understanding he had for his father then. Lucky then knew, instinctively, the fear and insecurity that Luke was feeling at the prospect of becoming a father to a little girl and at the same time losing her mother.

Simone let them go in, one at a time, and Luke said Lucky should go first. Lucky said Luke should go, and Luke hesitated before agreeing. As he took the child in his arms, he joked about not having the holding thing down. But once she was settled, the smile that crossed his face said that something was right with the world, just as the tears in his eyes reminded us that something was still wrong. But that mixture of happiness and fear seems to encapsulate much of Luke's character--what drives him and what he desperately tries to hide. Back outside with Lucky, Luke was still nervous and joked about having a girl child and not knowing what to do with her. Lucky assured him, "She'll love you once she gets used to you."

Bobbie arrived then, to tell them the bad news. Laura was still bleeding and had about a 50/50 chance of surviving. She was fighting, but one of the doctors recommended a hysterectomy, which Laura refused when she was conscious. Luke asked Bobbie what she meant at one point, and Lucky said (and I paraphrase), "She means mom might die."

At this point, Lucky became the very model of his dad. He told his dad that the guys who did this to his mom would have to pay. He couldn't just do nothing. I was reminded not only of the way he patterned his behavior after his dad, but also of his attitude towards Lizzie's rapist now and towards his father. The horror that his father's rape of his mother brings to him is the fact that the one person that he always thought would protect his mother could harm her--and the fear that he could do the same thing. The similarity between them that was so endearing then is exactly what Lucky fears now.

That fact was not lost on Luke. Tony was the next one to visit, and in probably the most fascinating parallels to current events, Luke told him that he didn't want to live in a world where his wife could die for this kind of non-reason. He told Tony, "Sometimes I think its better not to invest in people. They leave." And this fear--the fear of people leaving--is still what scares Luke the most. I've noted that already. Tony's response, however, was very interesting. He told Luke that he knew that loving people was painful--he had lost BJ, after all--but that the alternative was unthinkable to him. To see the difference in Tony now, when he won't or can't feel anything for anybody is sad. It explains, though, Luke's willingness to sympathize with Tony. Actually, it explains why he can't help but sympathize with Tony.

Tony's answer to Luke was also to remind him of the children. Tony insisted that Luke could and would go on for their sakes. I thought, at this point, that Luke Spencer would be the worst candidate to lose his wife and gain a child, because Laura has been the meaning and the light to him for so long (he told her so, back before the baby came). He seemed skeptical of Tony's answer, as if he couldn't believe it of himself.

And then he stood in the doorway and listened in as Lucky told the baby that he loved her and that he would protect her forever--that's what big brothers do. The parallel to Luke and Bobbie was so strong, but I also think, in that moment of hearing his son talk about him to his new daughter, the kids came to mean as much to him as Laura did. He loved Lucky before; I'm not denying that. But here and now, faced with the possibility of losing of his wife, I think Luke saw that he could live without her--as long as he had his kids. That's what makes his estrangement from Lucky so painful to watch now. And though I still think that Luke hinges his well-being more on Laura than on those kids, perhaps, his family as a whole is what keeps him going, not just Laura. The fact that his family is not whole makes him more fearful and insecure than ever; the fact that it is his own fault makes him more guilt-ridden than ever, perhaps.

I always cry when Luke cries, perhaps because we as the audience are allowed to see what he keeps from others, or perhaps because he does it so rarely. Perhaps it is Geary's face, which is always so expressive and effective as an actor. Whatever the reason, Luke's silent tears as he stood listening to Lucky broke my heart. He went out to the hallway and braced himself against the wall, almost willing himself not to put his fist through it. Then Bobbie arrived and told him that the bleeding had stopped and that Laura would be ok. The look of relief on his face was so powerful, as if he had faced some sort of test, had passed, and had been rewarded.

He went to see Laura, who was still unconscious, and begged her not to leave him. He admitted that he didn't think that he could raise their kids alone, telling her, "I wish I were as strong as you think I am. I wish I were. We started down this road together. The only way I know how to walk it is with you." He told her he'd screw up the children, and she opened her eyes and told him that she wasn't going anywhere. He announced that he was the happiest man on earth, and at the end of the scene he smiled, cried, and whispered, "Thank you for coming back." It seems Luke is always thanking her for coming back--her return from the Cassadine Island and their reunion on the lawn of the Mayor's mansion is the most prominent and memorable reunion, perhaps. This one, however, moved me just as much as that one, as did their recent scenes about the rape, after which they went home together. And this pattern is the reason that I want to--have to--believe that any storyline with Stefan and Laura while Luke is still alive will end with Laura coming back to Luke.

Lucky entered then, and Laura thanked him for helping his father. It was as if she knew in that small conversation with him how much he had suffered and feared. It was as if she knew--where he hadn't before--that Lucky and their new daughter were just as important to Luke as she was.

And in the end, they named the baby Lulu. Lesley, for Laura's mother, and Lu, short for Laura's alias. Named after her grandmother and her mother, as well as a hint of her father and brother, that child and her birth unified the Spencer family, I think, in some new way.

Those scenes underscored the sadness at her birthday party this year. Nikolas was added, a reminder of a past and present division. While I'm a firm supporter of the addition of Stefan and Nikolas into the story, it's scenes like the birth of Lulu, with Laura talking about her children, that make the rewrite hard to fit into some of the Spencer past. And Lucky was not a part of the family, even though he was present. His connection with his sister is not severed, but to see his separation from his parents is painful. And while I enjoy the storytelling that lets us understand these characters separately, while I still support the decision Guza has made to explore the Stefan/Laura relationship, what I hope for most is that sometime in this storyline we will have that family back.