4. The Ice Princess Bride

This month, I devote the majority of the review to the Cassadine/Spencer feud, not because it was so compelling (it could've been, in a more capable writer's hands), but because the story reached a zenith of sorts, and appears to be winding to a close. (Also, I can't resist quoting from one of my favorite movies, which has far better dialogue than any I've heard on GH lately.)

"Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up."

Luke is found lounging in Stavros's crypt, and despite receiving an array of antidotes, he remains trapped in That 70's Show. Laura rushes in to help both Luke and Stefan, while a bewildered Scotty trails in her wake. Stefan escapes from prison, locates the lab, and finds his brother. Stavros laughs maniacally and demonstrates his kung-fu grip. Lucky and Gia try to save Liz from Nik, who is only pretending to want to kill his future bride in order to gain Helena's acceptance. Stavros develops a third dimension after Nik reveals his true feelings.

"The chocolate makes it go down easier, but you have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency, and don't go in swimming for at least an hour."

Bobbie was quite the pharmacological wonder this month, dispensing a variety of medications to Luke and helping Laura find the best near-death experience for Liz. She might not have much else to do these days, but her presence did trigger some vivid memories for Luke. In a show that has mostly eschewed complicated emotional scenes in order to accommodate The Shock of the Day, Luke's reliving of his and Bobbie's past was a welcome relief. Sure, Luke of Yore re-experiencing his moments "on the run" with Bobbie (and Laura, as well) is a rather predictable turn of events, given the fact that the Luke of Now is also running from a number of threats (Helena, Stavros, that nasty flu bug, to name a few), but it was nice to see Jackie Zeman and Tony Geary play that sibling duet they do so well. I thought the flashback involving the child actors was superfluous, however (though the young actors did a fine job).

"Surrender!"
"You mean, you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept!"

Stefan and Stavros finally meet, and once again, Robert Kelker-Kelly proves he can do more than laugh maniacally and mug for the camera. In their brief exchange, we got a glimpse of the story-that-could've-been, with the brothers revisiting their turbulent childhoods and nearly reaching some level of epiphany regarding their relationship and the role their mother had in producing it, before the writers yanked them back into the shallow end of the pool. It's almost sad to see, in the twilight of Stavros's tenure, that the man portraying him was capable of carrying much weightier material than he was given, but with the current writing/producing team, he didn't have the chance. And what's far more disappointing is that Stephen Nichols, who should've had a leading role in this story, has sat largely unused on the sidelines for months on end while actors of far more questionable talent were onscreen nearly every day (think: Angel Boris and Tamara Braun).

"It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead!"

Nikolas drugs Liz's wine and then has a tense moment waiting for her to reawaken. It was one of the better scenes this month, in terms of acting and dialogue, but it lacked the context of a coherent story. I still can't figure out why Nik couldn't tell Gia about his grand scheme, yet he was able to trust Liz so implicitly. Probably for the same reason Alexis was unable to tell Ned about Kristina's true identity...more contrived conflict and manufactured mayhem.

"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."

I know I'm supposed to care about poor Lucky and Liz, separated for all this time by Ice-Princess-induced lapses in Lucky's memory, but at this point, I really don't. Lucky, for the most part, has become a plot device: when under the influence, he's Helena's handy henchman, and when not, he's an annoying little bug in the Evil Cassadine Master Plan. I felt as if Stavros did me a personal favor when he lobbed Lucky into the Port Charles River (in one of my favorite "campy" Stavros scenes this month). Pity there were no shrieking eels.

Of course, the real love story this month was the reawakening of Luke and Laura. Although I'd have rather seen a real romance for Laura during her interim from alliterative relationships, after that lovely reunion scene at the cabin, I knew poor Scotty would soon be joining Stefan in Laura's discard pile. It's a shame, really, that the in the veritable parade of head writers since the early days of Luke and Laura's estrangement, not one of them was able to write a viable relationship story for Laura (though Guza nearly nailed it during his first tenure with the creation of Stefan, all of that prior magic has been lost in the backpedaling since). It would've made the big Luke and Laura reunion all the more powerful to know that they each had to make a real choice to be together, but Scotty's been mostly invisible throughout this story, and Stefan is nothing more than a lost memory.

Ah, Scotty and Stefan: two of my favorite make-believe men! What to do with these very eligible bachelors? If I had my way, Anna Devane would return to Port Charles and end up at Wyndemere (only this time, not as a hostage!), while Alexis and Scott lock eyes across a crowded courtroom. (By the way, I do like Alexis and Sonny as well, but I get the impression that the writers aren't really serious about anything long-term between the two of them.) Aside from the pairings themselves, which I think hold great promise, the thought of Scotty and Stefan as brothers-in-law amuses me. After all, Stefan courted Laura and married Bobbie, while Scotty married Laura and courted Bobbie. And they both have no love for Luke. Yet, I doubt that the two of them would get along, even with these parallel experiences, and I relish the thought of them having to share a table at the inevitable family gatherings.

"Welcome to the Pit of Despair!"

Okay, so the show's not that bad...yet! There are still some nice moments when the dialogue writers and the actors rise above the senseless plotting of their head-writer, and they are what keep me watching. And there's always the hope that next month will be better....

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